Deinfluencing myself.

Because I am a mom, I’m in a filter bubble that I never asked for and can’t seem to leave.

A filter bubble is a state of information isolation, where algorithmic curation based on your past searches, clicks, location, and demographics refines the information you see online, “personalizing” and limiting what you encounter. Sometimes it’s useful, helping you discover things that have a high probability of interest and relevance to your life.

It’s also a machine for amplifying biases or tendencies. The danger of the filter bubble is how it narrows the new information to which we’re exposed, soon presenting only opinions (right or wrong!) that confirm our existing beliefs, and cementing our membership in groups that we may not even have chosen but merely drifted into by constant automated recommendations and reinforcement.

So, as I was saying: As a mom, I’ve relied heavily on the internet to research things like recipes, activities, schools, toys, health related questions - anything and everything to help me make good choices for my child.

That means I’ve also got myself locked in quite the filter bubble. Where once Instagram showed me ads for MBA programs and sexy lingerie, now I get Montessori toys. Where once I got fine dining recommendations, now I get school lunchbox meal ideas. You get the picture.

It’s got me thinking a lot about how hard it is to be more than one thing at a time in life. Yes, it’s hard because time and focus are limited. But the greatest difficulty comes not from within but without. Inside, I am still everything I always was, but the algorithms in charge of what kind of internet I see seem determined to prioritize just one part of me and that part is momness.

Beyond the usual observations about how unsustainably intensive parenting seems to be the norm or expectation on the internet, an overall theme I’m seeing is constant productivity. Hacks on hacks on hacks. How to save time, get more done, and how to get more “enrichment” for your child into every activity and moment.

This begs some de-influencing. We know this mode of thinking isn’t actually good for us! There’s plenty of evidence that rest, space, and boredom are all restorative, important, and good for our creativity and physical and mental health. And yet— this constant deluge of productivity porn. People click on it, searching for the magic cure to the overwhelm and helplessness they feel. If people click on it, The Algo serves it up again and again. The only way out is off.

I took a couple weeks off the computer while I was traveling (on my first real vacation in six years!). Searching online just occasionally and only for answers to my travel questions (how to buy a train ticket in Lisbon? what are the hours of this or that museum?) seems to have helpfully reset some of my filter bubble. The victory will probably be short-lived but it’s still nice.

Truly, I don’t want any “hacks.” I want ease, exploration, and slowness. I don’t want to fit more into my day or my child’s. I want the world to change so neither she nor I feel so much pressure to look at a smartphone, to keep up, to be productive all the time. Today, my internet searches are about which local elementary schools do NOT assign homework. Life is too short for stuff that doesn’t matter.

Creative juice

Inkotober is coming up!

What is Inktober? It’s a challenge created by an artist in 2009 to develop positive drawing habits. It has grown into a worldwide endeavor with thousands of artists taking on the challenge every year.

The “rules” are simple. Anyone who wants to join can take inspiration from the official list of prompts, create their artwork in ink or pencil, and post it. More interesting to me, though, is the wealth of concurrent related challenges that come along with Inktober.

San Francisco watercolor darlings Case For Making do their own version, called Colortober, with a color prompt for 31 daily paintings.

If 31 is too many for you, try Drawtober, with an approachable 6 prompts spread out over the month, all appropriately spooky for Halloween.

Artist Sha'an d'Anthes created Peachtober with her own alternative prompts. There are tons of alternatives out there. (You could always start your own version, but if you have that much motivation you probably don’t need the help of prompts to maintain your regular art practice?)

Are you joining in Inktober? Want to paint or draw with me? Let me know!

IKM